sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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