I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
