i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
