im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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