so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I looked at my own cervix.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
