Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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