look no pants
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
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