i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
