Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
