I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
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