Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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