i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
