Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
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