She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize