I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
