omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
