If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
