I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Dear god my vagina.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
