Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
