So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
