I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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