If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
