I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize
