I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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