we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
