I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
