So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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