FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
