drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
This is the prime rib incident all over again
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Even my vagina gasped.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
