so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
