listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
