Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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