So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
