What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Randomize