I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
