i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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