guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
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