There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
