I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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