I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
