Sober January is a disaster.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Randomize
