Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
