Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Every concussion has its silver lining
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
