I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
