whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
