i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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