Midget sex pt 2 tonight
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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