I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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