11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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