I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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