So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Randomize
