Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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