He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
