Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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