tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Randomize