You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
