I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
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