I'm jealous of your bromance
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
