sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
