im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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