1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Quick, to the slutcave!
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
should my penis look like a turkey
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
