I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
How's work?
Spinning.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
