oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
