Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize