Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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