I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
