I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
She tied me up with her honor cords...
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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