Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
