Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
