What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
