I just pynch a tree in the face
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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