That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
