the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
