he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
