I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
