I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Randomize
