this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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