Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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