New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
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