Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
